Alien Booty

Stardate -313011.47257103

Personal Entry

I’ve just become aware that this place is more dangerous than I had at first suspected.

While researching the holiday known as “Christmas” I was approached by a nice man in a long black dress who told me that I had been selected to receive a free trip to a place known as “Hell,” which he described as being tantalizingly hot and where the residents walk around poking you with sticks.

It seemed like a good time would be had by all and it was most upsetting that I had to decline.

And that’s when things got weird.

He began to speak of a man known as “Jesus,” who I suspect may be a rogue SETI agent.  How this frocked man knew of him or was aware that I myself am an operative I cannot say, although I did find the whole situation in general to be suspicious.

Little was I to know that later on I would hear this name again.  I was walking down the street when someone called out “Jesus H.!”  It was followed by a string of profanities I shall not repeat but just know that I found the “coincidence” to be quite disturbing.

I was most alarmed, however, when I realized that I was being followed.  And the brazenness of my stalker is shocking!

I came home and actually found a calling card shoved in the crack of my door.

I don’t know who this “Jesus Hernandez” person is or what he wants with my landscaping but I’ve decided to buy some pepper spray.

Just in case.